Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Checking in with an old friend

We are waiting for the referral for our ethiopian adoption
it could be anytime now so I am spending a lot of my energy looking
inward and trying to make sense of myself and my place in this
too crowded world and find strong places I can go and dip from when
this little girl won't give me any space when I know that I really like
wide open spaces. I am scared and humbled and can't wait and shamed
and achey and it still feels not quite real which at least that part has in
common with my pregnancy. We are spending a lot of time and emotional, mental energy on the adoption and my family and making our lives something that we are proud to be living.
We also are quite obsessed with the actual fact that we are changing the climate of our planet and that during our life times things are going to really change...one way or another. This is something that is haunting and twistedly appealing at the same time if that makes any sense.
Sometimes I am surprised and pleased with my day to day and how I spend my time
but others I can't believe how short I've fallen from where I wanted myself to go.
(like why does Obama get the nobel peace prize instead!?)
But, I am very lucky and joyfull and live a great life and I do try really hard which
counts for something I think.

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